Zelda Retrospective: Part VI - Majora's Mask - Day 6

Sorry I'm late, I had a busy weekend. Anyway, on to Zelda!

For this post, I delved deeper into Ikana Canyon. Frankly, I meant to play through the Stone Tower, but I didn't make it that far.
Appalled that I had done the Ocean Spider House on the wrong day and not received the Giant's Wallet, I went to the ocean once again to complete that task. Actually, I began that bit twice because there was a game crashing freeze once again. That's the second time that's happened. I had to restart the system and redo what little I had done on that day cycle. I'm once again wishing that I had downloaded Majora's Mask on Virtual Console rather than play it on the GameCube disc.
So, with thirty Gold Skulltulas dead and the morning of the first day all used up, I obtained my big ass wallet and proceeded to Ikana Valley to tackle the Gibdos' Well. Now this is one of the more annoying sections of the game. For some reason, a bunch of mummies regret that they never got to have some Deku Nuts and bombs, or never got to eat a fish. So they've spent eternity standing guard next to doors in some underground chambers. Its only when you give them what they want that their souls can rest and the doors will open.
Also, the mummies find bugs creepy.

The only tool you need to fool a mummy.

Unfortunately, there are a couple things that you can't get a hold of inside of the Gibdos' Well, like a blue potion, that forced me to go searching around for one. I didn't want to fetch the ingredients for it to take the witches in the Swamp, and I couldn't remember which Business Scrub would sell me a blue potion. I checked in Lulu's room in the Zora Cape before I remembered that he's right there in Ikana Canyon. So I dropped 100 rupees (And thanks to the Giant's Wallet, I made it back and then some) to buy the potion. I did have to break down and look at my old player's guide at the map of the well, if only to remember where I needed to go with the time-sensitive hot spring water. Yes, a mummy's only regret was that it had no scalding water to look at.
Once I wrapped up (Ha!) my business in the well full of mummies, I obtained the incredibly creepy looking Mirror Shield - much creepier than a bug, thank you - and made my way into Ikana Castle.
Since there are only four main dungeons in Majora's Mask, it's kind of nice having the small sub dungeon that is the Ikana Castle. It involves a lot of ReDead, which are pretty easy to kill when wearing the Gibdos Mask, Captain's Hat or Garo's Mask, since they begin to dance and not attack when you wear one of those masks. And because ReDead drop about fifteen to twenty rupees each, that new Giant's Wallet filled up quick. The goal of Ikana Castle is to get to King Igos du Ikana, a skeletal warrior king who looks like the winner at last year's Day of the Dead costume contest.

The runner-up didn't think to carry a sword.

After dispatching his two henchman, a murderous, skeletal version of Laurel and Hardy, you get to take on Igos himself. I always find it's fun to wear the Captain's Hat that is given to you by Captain Keeta, Igos' military commander. This brings about a quick, but rather funny cut scene that shows that Igos might have had a little too much royal blood in his system. Cue "Dueling Banjos." He isn't the sharpest of skeletons. Once you defeat him, he realizes how much he and his kingdom had lost its way, that their failure to trust in each other led them to a long war that destroyed their kingdom and their lives. He then teaches you the Elegy of Emptiness, a song that creates statues of whatever form Link is in, so you can create up to four statues at once as Hylian, Deku, Zora and Goron. Unfortunately, the Hylian Link stature is creepy as hell.

That's going to haunt me.

And so, with the Elegy learned, and midnight passed (my time, not game time), I played the Song of Time, saved the game and called it a quits.
I might double up on the Zelda blogs this week, since there's not much to this one and I've probably got a good three blogs worth of Majora's Mask left at least. I'm eager to finish and move on to Wind Waker and then Twilight Princess.

Zelda Retrospective: Part VI - Majora's Mask - Day 5

Sidequests, sidequests and more sidequests! Unfortunately, I didn't do much in the main quest this week. I logged in a little time earlier in the week and started up in Ikana Valley. This is another point where I wish I'd never been given that damned player's guide. I can't remember anything! And what do I do? Instead of trying to work everything out for myself, I keep deciding to steal a peek at the guide. But hey, it does cut down my play time so I won't be playing Majora's Mask for the next 6 weeks.
Anyway, I forgot how much I love the Ikana Valley section of Majora's Mask. It has such an excellent atmosphere. The whole area is set up as a land of the dead, where a mighty kingdom that ruled Termina fell to ruin during a war with a far off nation. Now the spirits of the soldiers are trapped in the land of the living as ghosts and ghouls of various kinds. Combined with the prominence of the falling moon, the Ikana Valley is probably the most moody and eerie portion of the game.
The other sections of Termina all feel so full of life, whereas Ikana only has a handful of living people - just Dampe, the researcher and his daughter, the thief, Sakon, and a soldier who's so boring that he's invisible. Everyone else is dead. Maybe it's just my fascination with skeletons (it's very evident in all the doodles I draw as ideas for band logos and such), but all the roving skeletons looking for solace and release for their souls just sucks me into the story. I guess I just have a thing for the macabre. Crap, does that make me emo?

"Yeah, you're totally emo," said the vanishing, stick-wielding hooded cyclops. What a prick.

Anyway, I played a little ways into the Ikana Valley quest before deciding to go after some more heart pieces and upgrades. First off, I made Captain Keeta feel like a little bitch, despite the fact that he is a huge skeleton with a killer hat - which he then gave to me once I played him a ditty on my ocarina. Then I hung around the graveyard each night and ordered some Stalkids/Former Ikana Soldiers to dig up the graves so that I could get at the goodies, as well as healing the researcher to get the Gibdo mask.
There's another screwed up thing in this part of the game. The paranormal investigator guy dragged his little out into a section of the world where there are ghosts and the undead surrounding them at all times if their house, which doubles as a giant music box, doesn't have the water power to play the song that wards off the walking mummies. Good job on the parenting skill there, dude.
From there it was collectormania!
I saw that I had a measly nine hearts and decided that, rather than go on to conquer the hazards of the Ikana Valley further, I would pump up Link further. Thus today was spent with minigames and trading quests galore.
I managed to collect thirteen or fourteen of the game's fifty-two total pieces of heart. With only four bosses to collect heart containers from, you have to do a lot of collecting to get all twenty containers. I also managed to upgrade to the biggest bomb bag and the biggest quiver. In the case of the quiver, it involved playing some minigames that would have the Terminan version of PETA ready to kill somebody. See, in Hyrule, the target shooting games were innocent, involving targets like moving rupees and giant dartboards. In Termina, they use living creatures, trained to appear at the blow of a whistle only to be shot down by twitchy archers looking to win a prize.

The shooting gallery's proprietors at least tried to replicate their natural environment, so they can feel more at ease while they're being shot at by blood thirsty elven people.

What makes it worse is that the Swamp Shooting Gallery has Deku Scrubs as targets. We've already established that the Deku Scrubs are sentient beings with a language, monarchical government and even a bureaucracy. At the shooting gallery, they're being round up and murdered for sport. Seriously, this world just seems more and more screwed up the more I play this game. Termina has a moon with an angry face, big rock-eating bipeds who can roll around in balls, sentient plants, fish people with poor taste in music a land where the dead roam about and can't get any rest and pointy-eared humans who don't mind wantonly killing their neighbors. I know it was water pollution that caused all of Hyrule's problems. But what about Termina? I haven't figured that out yet.

I'm blaming this guy though.

He's freaky.
Coming next week, Ikana Valley and Stone Tower Temple.


As a side note: I'm moving these posts to Sunday nights, since I seem to play more Zelda on the weekends. Or in this post's case - early Monday morning.

Zelda Retrospective: Part VI - Majora's Mask - Day 4

Sorry this didn't go up on Friday, I was busy with Halloween plans.
Holy three days of accomplishments, Batman! I got a lot done in this three day cycle.
Before we go into said accomplishments, let me point out once again that if you want to play Majora's Mask, either dust off your N64 or download it on the Virtual Console for your Wii. The emulation on the GameCube collector's disk that I'm playing the game on is terrible. It only seems to be Majora's Mask that has issues. I started playing this cycle earlier this week, but had the game lock up. All I could do was reset and lose all the progress I'd made since the last cycle reset, that included nabbing the hookshot and first egg from the Gerudo Pirates.
Heh, all female pirates. The guys must really enjoy it when the pirates come to rape and pillage.

Had Link been a day earlier, he might have been exposed to the filming of Gerudo Casting Couch 17.

Luckily, on this play through, despite some paranoia that I would suddenly lose hours worth of game time due to another game crash, I got through without losing any progress. Yay!
So once again, I met Mikau, who enthusiastically cried "Baby!" several times in his death throes. Maybe if he hadn't used up so much energy singing to Link, then Link could have gotten him to a Zora doctor? That old dude in the big hook-for-a-hand-shaped building seems like he could have helped. Oh well. Now Link gets to assume the life of another famous guy who no one knows is actually dead. Really, I find that kind of messed up. Link is compressing these people into masks, though it supposedly heals their souls when he turns them into masks, and then stealing their lives. And what happens once Link's quest is over? The moon won't fall and all, but as far as the Gorons and Zoras are concerned, Darunia is dead and Mikau just plain disappeared. Maybe the Zora's will find Mikau's grave... oh, wait, no. Link buried him in sand. All it will take is one good high tide, or maybe a hungry scavenger that's willing to dig to make that body disappear. In ten years, there will be an episode on the Zora version of Unsolved Mysteries, Lulu and the rest of the band will have moved on and Mikau will be utterly forgotten because Link turned the poor guy into a mask.
Oh, here's a scary thought. What if the Mask Salesman lied and the "Song of Healing" doesn't heal at all? Maybe it just turns everybody into masks and steals their soul or something? Link could be stealing people's souls without even knowing it. I wouldn't put it past that Mask Salesman. He's creepy.

And let's not forget that this "innocent" mask salesman happens to carry around a mask that can destroy the whole damn world. That's all kinds of screwed up.

 

Anyway, I got the Zora mask and then went on to the whole pirate fortress thing. I've never once done the fortress without the Stone Mask. So I made it a point to run over to the entrance to Ikana Canyon to find the poor dude who was just so damned boring that you couldn't even see him without the Lens of Truth. I mean, when you have to practice being noticed, then you've got some serious problems. I'm talking intensive therapy, not just a bottle of red potion. Poor schmuck. The main problem is I received a player's guide when I received the game, so I always played the game with a bit of a crutch. I've never made a crack at the fortress without the mask. I told myself I'd try it this time, but truth be told, I was feeling too damn lazy and I wanted to get all the eggs before the dawn of the second day.
After the fortress, I took a picture of one of the pirates to the horny dude who lives alone on the beach. Thanks, Nintendo, for making me provide that guy with something for his wank bank. He gave me a talking seahorse in return, but then I had to take the seahorse out to Pinnacle Rock. There, I had to commit the genocide of what seems to be an endangered species of Giant Sea Snake so that I could rescue some eggs and free the talking sea horse's girlfriend. I was given a piece of heart in return and then left to deliver the last of the eggs. I assume the sea horses started boning after I left.
I delivered the eggs, then learned a song from some tadpoles. Sperm symbolism here? I think whoever designed the whole Great Bay area must have been horny. Then I rode a big ass talking turtle with palm trees growing out its shell - not quite Discworld sized - to the Great Bay Temple.
I found this temple to be relatively easy. It involves a lot of redirection of water flow, but so long as you pay attention to the network of pipes, it's pretty easy to reason out what to do in this temple. You might forget a step or two and have to explore to find the proper room, but it's really not that hard. I also really like the giant waterworks design of the place. The whole temple is essentially a big water-powered machine, which lends itself to the semi-steampunk elements of Majora's Mask, such as motorized boats and such.
After a lot of valve-opening, I made my way into the lair of Gyorg. This is where I think the Great Bay Temple is weak. For one, I couldn't remember what the boss was. I can remember the bosses from the other temples clearly, but when it comes to Gyorg, I didn't remember him until I saw him.

To me, you're just another ugly fish. Sorry, dude.

Because of this, I thought maybe he'd be a fun challenge. But, no, this boss is horrible easy. Hit him with an arrow, turn into a Zora, jump in the water and zap him with my electricity shield. Repeat. Then he changes it up. He swims around spitting out the tiny Gyorgs he keeps in his mouth like an archerfish, while I spam the electricity shield until he's dead. Boringly simple. Oh well.
I actually had more challenge trying to play the horny fisherman's platform jumping game. I just kept falling off the platforms and into the water - at one point with less than two seconds left in the clock. And he just kept laughing that "Heh heh" laugh like some kind of rapist. Weirdo. But I got a piece of heart out of him. Oh god, I hope he didn't rape the seahorse.

Happy Halloween (there's still nine minutes left!)

The Greatest Scary Game You Probably Never Played

In light of Halloween, I've been trying to present some alternatives for your scary celebrations. Tonight, I bring you one of the best, most unplayed horror games ever.
Screw Resident Evil, Silent Hill, Alone in the Dark and all those other old classic horror games, as well as the newer stuff like Dead Space, which I admit has scared me so bad at times that I've yet to finish it - plus I'm horribly stuck in this one spot. Why do I keep admitting the things that scare me on the internet?

File under: Things I know that scare Nate.

I wanted you all to know about a game that I've been playing for about seven years, totally riveted every time I play it. It's a sweeping epic of a story with a great, Lovecraft-inspired mythology and a truly inventive gameplay system that effected the player as much as what would happen in the game.
You might ask, "Where can I play this game?" Well, sir or madame, dust off your GameCube - if you ever owned one - or find a controller and a memory card so you can boot it up on your Wii. That's right, this gem was an M-rated Nintendo exclusive. And people said the GameCube was a kiddie system.
It's name: Eternal Darkness: Sanity's Requiem.

Oh, thank God, finally. Something with good cover art.

Released way back in the summer of 2002, Eternal Darkness was developed by Silicon Knights - then 2nd party developer for Nintendo and now 2nd party developer for Microsoft. It originally began life as a Nintendo 64 game, but Silicon Knights began to rework it once the GameCube's hardware was released to developers. The game came out to stellar reviews from critics and the few consumers who played it. In terms of sales, the game was a total flop, which is probably why many of you have never heard of it.
So let me tell you why you need to play it. In short, the game is about the struggles of twelve different people in different locations over the course of two thousand years. Their fates, both in life and death, are destined to intertwined as they fight against the minions of three different ancient Chuthlu-like creatures that fight against each other to gain dominance in our world.
To go with this epic story is a wonderfully inventive gameplay system: the sanity meter. As your character stares down the shambling zombie that's fully intent on sucking your intestines up like spaghetti, he or she loses a bit of sanity. As your sanity meter drops, crazy ass things start to happen. Yeah, the walls are bleeding. That fly on your TV screen? That's not really there. Oh, I didn't tell you? The sanity effects don't just screw with your character, they screw with you. Try playing this game in the dark with a surround sound stereo on and tell me that the whispering and crying going on around you doesn't get to you. It will.

That's no hug...

Mix with that stellar writing and voice acting, and you've got yourself one hell of a game. Still not convinced? It's been on several top 100/200 games of all time lists from the likes of Game Informer and IGN. It won Outstanding Achievement in Character or Story Development at the 6th Annual Interactive Achievement Awards in 2002, along with being nominated for Console Game of the Year, Innovation in Console Gaming and Outstanding Achievement in Art Direction.
The problem with my recommendation? Well, the game is kind of hard to find these days, considering it's eight years old and that it didn't sell well enough to warrant a lot of copies being manufactured. Sorry about that.

Zelda Retrospective: Part VI - Majora's Mask - Day 3 - But A Year Later...

Okay, so, I fell behind. Way behind. This is like getting those TPS reports in, well, a year late.
Rather than restart my game and begin blogging over things I'd already blogged about, I figured I would continue the file I started a year ago. I found it with Goht and the Snowhead Temple already defeated. Guess I kept playing and didn't blog about that. Oops.

And I thought Gorons were weird in Ocarina of Time.

I do recall, though, that I always found Snowhead Temple particularly infuriating due to the central pillar that you have to raise and lower in order to access different sections of the temple. I'd say it's like the Water Temple of Majora's Mask, but the Great Bay Temple also involves manipulating the water. As I recall, save for the Windfall Temple, the dungeons in Majora's Mask tended to be more difficult than the dungeons of Ocarina of Time.

However, I did end up defeating Goht two more times today for various sidequests. I could have skipped the second defeat of Goht, but I forgot to retrieve my Powder Keg License after blowing up the entrance into the Goron race track. That is one thing where I can say I see why some people didn't like the 3-Day reset cycle in Majora's Mask - if you forgot to do something, you had to to repeat it all in order to finish it.

Goht is one of those bosses that can be either really fun or really frustrating to fight. If you're quick and can avoid the obstacles that pop up while you chase him down as a rolling Goron, it can be a fun and exhilarating fight. But if you're unfortunate to have rocks fall on you or be hit by Goht's beam attacks, it can be a long and aggravating boss battle. I actually had one of each of those instances when fighting Goht today.
Amongst the side quests I performed today were upgrading to the gilded sword, the best version of the sword you can get in the game and one of my favorites, helping out around Romani Ranch.

Did Link ever learn the importance of "Klaatu-Barada-Nikto"?

I love the whole '50's sci-fi approach to the creatures that invade Romani Ranch on the night of the first day. From the design of the aliens, that are beamed down by a giant ball of light, to the thermin-esque music that accompanies the early morning battle with the cow-stealing extra-terrestrials. So instead of Mars Needs Women, it's Mars Needs Bovines? Why would aliens come once a year to steal cows? Do they just make enough jerky to last the year? Regardless of ridiculous plots, it's a fun side quest to play. From there it's on to racing the brothers at Ingo Ranch to grab the Garu Mask, get the Bunny Hood, and safely stave off raiders from grabbing a milk shipment. Along with the Don Gero Mask and Kamaro's Mask, I managed to nab five masks in that three day cycle.
I started a new cycle after that, but only played far enough to get the Zora mask. You know that Zora Mikau was one hell of a rocker if he spent the last of his energy to spend his final moments improvising a song to tell you what happened. That's hardcore.

As a side note, I believe I'm going to make Friday the weekly Zelda day until I finish playing through these games. I figured those of you who read this blog would appreciate more variety in subject matter. I think I'll try to have two other blogs per week besides the Nerdy News on Thursday and Zelda Retrospective on Friday, perhaps with the odd TV, movie, music or game review here and there. I hope you guys enjoy the rejuvenated Smashing the Gnat.

Zelda Retrospective: Part VI - Majora's Mask - Day 2

Okay, so this entry covers a play through of three of the three-day cycles. The first two devoted to early side quests Clock Town and the third to taking care of the main quest and some side quests in the Southern Swamp.
The first two cycles would have been all in one, except I accidentally played the Song of Double Time, which warped me ahead to the next morning, instead of playing the Inverted Song of Time, which would have halved time's speed. Oops.
So I missed out on trying to complete one of the things I wanted to do: stop the thief from stealing the old lady's bag full of bombs. I wanted to make sure I got the Exploding Mask from her and the big bomb bag from the shop, so I ended up starting a new cycle later on to nab that before I quit playing that night.
One thing that makes Majora's Mask stand out from Ocarina of Time is that the large bulk of this game is made up of sidequests like that. It almost seems appropriate, since this is a side story. I remember, back in 1999-2000, before they announced the official name of the game, Nintendo referred to it as Zelda Gaiden. "Gaiden" is the Japanese term for "side story."
Some might argue that the amount of side quests in this game borders on the ridiculous, since there are only four main dungeons in the entire game, as opposed to Ocarina of Time's eight dungeons.
I feel that the side quests, especially the stuff you do to complete the Bomber's Notebook, like helping Anju and Kafei or protecting the ranch from alien invasion and wannabe-ninja raids help to flesh out the story world more. These quests let you get to know the characters in more intimate detail. To me, the emotional connection you create with these characters creates a greater sense of urgency. As I get to know the characters, the more I want to stop the moon from falling, because these people are just trying to go about their lives. The situation in Termina is not like what it was in Hyrule in Ocarina of Time. There, people knew the score. Ganondorf had taken over and people managed to adapt their lives to work around that. In Termina, people don't know what to do or what to think. A force beyond their understanding is at work and they don't know how to react. Though, I almost wish that Nintendo would have gone as far as making things much more chaotic in that final day, and shown us more of people fleeing from Clock Town. But that might have been a direction too dark for what they wanted to do.
In any case, I filled out some of these side quests and proceeded on to the Southern Swamp.
There, we had our now-standard sneak-into-a-castle sequence. But this time it was turned on its heels. Now it was Link in the form of a Deku Scrub sneaking through the gardens of the Deku Palace to reach the accused kidnapper of a princess, rather than sneaking into Hyrule castle to rescue the princess herself from captivity. I always found that fact amusingly ironic.
Then it was on to the Windfall Temple. This is a short and sweet affair, meant more as a learning experience akin to the inside of the Deku Tree in Ocarina of Time. This dungeon definitely has a little more atmosphere to it than its predecessor. The place is riddled with poison water, floating flowers that try to eat you if you're not in the form of a Deku Scrub and one particular room that is both very dark and full of little monsters who are nothing more than black balls with glowing eyes. Also annoying are the vicious moths that follow any flame you create. Luckily, they will also follow the fuse of a bomb and are easily blown to little bits.
With the fifteen stray fairies collected (I hope whatever lead designer at Nintendo who allowed those things to get into the game looking and sounding like that should have his head examined), and the boss key and bow and arrows in hand, I went on to fight Odolwa.

To my recollection, this is the only Zelda boss to date who looked to be an extreme risk for a wardrobe malfunction. A loincloth and a mask aren't exactly high fashion. But then, I guess they were going for a kind of tribal motif with him. Between his costume, the constant chanting of his own name (what are you, a Pokemon?) and the dancing, they hit the mark.
Odolwa is actually pretty satisfying as a first boss of the game. He's not too hard, but he's not a pushover. I mean, sure, he employs large bugs and fleshing-eating moths to do his dirty work after you smack him around a bit, but look at that sword! Link's barely taller than its hilt. It's hard to avoid damage in this battle, too, because of how chaotic it becomes in the latter stages. By this point, Odolwa is constantly summoning his bugs and moths to come after him, so you're struggling to get rid of them (luckily there are an abundance of bomb flowers around) while also trying to get in some arrow and sword hits on him. It can get a little hairy, especially if you haven't collected any extra heart pieces.
With Odolwa's dancing days over (sorry Kevin Bacon, looks like John Lithgow won this round), we meet the giant whose spirit was possessed by the ill-dressed tribesman. Once again, Nintendo's designers got a little weird. The giants are nothing but jaw-less heads with really long arms and legs and no body. I think they could have come up with something better than that, but beggars can't be choosers. The giants and the stray fairies look really weird and I just have to deal with it.
I took a little time afterward to collect a few heart pieces, bringing my container count up to six and then called it a day by playing the Song of Time and quitting.
So the next round will involve going north to visit the Gorons and meet the most articulate baby rock-eater ever.

- Nate

Zelda Retrospective: Part V - Ocarina of Time - Day 6

Okay, yeah. It's been a month and a half since the last update. This semester has been pretty busy for me, despite the fact I made this schedule convinced it would be an absolute breeze. I could have gotten to this sooner, but a lot of my down time has ended up being spent with friends, off doing things away from my apartment, watching Hulu or working on my next novel project, so I haven't really been playing much in the way of video games. There's even been plenty of movies and TV shows that I've seen that I could have blogged about but didn't for reasons unknown, like Zombieland (awesome), Surrogates (meh), Stargate Universe (it's trying to be both the next Stargate and the next Battlestar Galactica) and Flashforward (pretty interesting so far, though the writing is a little haphazard at times).
That being the case, I suppose this is really more of an "Ocarina of Time - Days 6-8" entry. Late one night following my last entry, I finished off the Shadow Temple. I got tired and decided to put off the entry until the next day, but things happened, as they often do, and it got back seated. I have since forgotten all the clever quips I had come up with about it.
Then, some time a few weeks ago, I sat down and went through the Spirit Temple. Again, I ended up putting off the entry. Sorry.
Today, however, I played through the entirety of Ganon's Castle.
I always found this section of the game relatively interesting. For one, we get a hodge-podge of the different dungeons from around the game, some of the rooms fitting the theme and some not so much. We get Shadow Temple elements in the Forest Barrier section, for example. Also, we get a glimpse at what the Light Temple, a dungeon originally planned for but ultimately scrapped in development, might have been like. It was very much like the Shadow Temple. Ironic.
I once again fell upon the muscle memory I've developed over the many times I've played Ocarina of Time and breezed through to Ganondorf. A few of the rupee collecting rooms, namely the ones in the Forest, Fire and Shadow sections gave me a few problems due to a few misplaced jumps that led to automatic restart of the room.
One touch that I've always loved about ascending the staircases toward Ganondorf is the way the ominous organ music builds in volume as you get closer to your destination. It's a very nice touch.
Maybe if Ganondorf had invested all his energy into music, he could have brought world peace like Bill and Ted were supposed to with Wyld Stallions? But no, the water pollution ruined that chance.
So, Ganondorf gives his obligatory villain monologue, we had our little tennis match and then he was down. Another detail Nintendo did a good job on is how you can see holes appear in Ganondorf's cape as you do more damage to it. I'm sure if it were an M-rated game, we'd be seeing holes in more than just his cape, but, then, who really wants to see an M-rated Zelda game? It'd be a bad business move for one. But I digress.
As I played the escape sequence, an idea which I bet the developers got from Metroid, I found myself getting typically annoyed with Zelda's incessant gasps as flaming rocks hit me. We passed that one annoyingly placed ReDead and then that part was over.
Then Ganondorf turns into Ganon, I shoot him in the face, hit him in the tail, rinse, and repeat until he's down. Really, after playing this game as many times as I have, fighting Ganondorf and Ganon is just a little boring. All the challenge is gone. Oh well, I still love the game.
One thing that particularly interests me is the ending of the game, wherein two separate time lines are created. There's the one in which Ganondorf succeeds in taking over and is defeated seven years later by Link and Zelda, and then the one created after Zelda sends Link back to his original time and then, presumably, goes to warn Zelda about what will happen. The sci-fi nerd in me loves this kind of stuff.
So from here, it's on to Majora's Mask, which I feel is the most underrated of the Zelda games. Not sure when I'll get a start on that, but I'll try to make it soon.

- Nate

Zelda Retrospective: Part V - Ocarina of Time - Day 5

Hello everyone, I'm very sorry for not posting in so long. I started getting really busy around the time of the last post with friends, birthday plans, band activities like recording and gigs and then school. I doubt I'll be posting as regularly and I might have to condense future posts in the series based on weeks and not days. I'm not quite sure yet. Anyway, on to the brief time I played Ocarina of Time today, before I set off to work on school work.
My hour-or-so jaunt through the land of Hyrule today was rather uneventful. I went through the somewhat arduous trading process that results in obtaining the Biggoron Sword. Now, in no way is the sword a necessary item for the game, it definitely comes in handy. If you equip it and Nayru's Love while fighting the Iron Knuckles that appear later in the game, you can definitely dispatch them much more quickly and easily. It's definitely more handy in Master Quest, where you encounter a lot more Iron Knuckles.
There's some definite weirdness going on with the trading process. I mean, the "punk guy" who you give the blue Cucco, Cojiro, to is odd enough looking as it is for a Hylian. And the relationship he has with his mother, the "old hag behind the potion shop," seems a little less than loving.
But it's the Kokiri girl who takes the punk guy's place that's the worst. She gives me the creeps, man.
She just looks up at you with that weird little grin and says, "That guy isn't here anymore. Anybody who comes into the forest will be lost. Everybody will become a Stalfos. Everybody, Stalfos. So, he's not here anymore. Only his saw is left. Hee hee."
Yeah, creepy.
Of course, if you talk to her again, she goes on to speculate whether or not you will become a Stalfos too. More creepy. Seriously, what's with that girl?
Then it's off to give a saw to the head carpenter, punk guy's father. From there, the prescription for eye drops, the eyeball frog (which the doctor at the lake wants to turn into fried eyeballs... okay...) and then the drops themselves. It's the last one that can be a pain. Getting the drops to Biggoron requires some pre-planning, because without the strategic placement of a magic bean plant at the mouth of Dodongo's Cavern, you might not make it in time before the eyedrops expire.
So, I got the Biggoron sword after playing the Sun's Song a bunch of times. I mean, really, do you expect me to sit around and wait for three days to pass naturally in-game? Hell no.
Then it was on to nab the Lens of Truth. This is where things are a little stupid. They set up the Well as sort of it's own little mini-dungeon, but the truth is, all you have to do is go in, play Zelda's Lullaby to drain the moat, crawl through the hole at the bottom of the pool up front, go through the door, fight the Dead Hand and get the Lens. There's absolutely no need to go into any other room besides nabbing any Gold Skulltulas that might be lurking about. Master Quest had it right in that you had to go through the whole thing to get to the Lens of Truth. Oh well, at least I've got it.Huzzah, I can see through bullshit now! If only I had one of those in real life...

- Nate

P.S. - I totally stole the fisherman's hat while I was getting the Gold Scale. Ha!

Zelda Retrospective: Part V - Ocarina of Time - Day 4

Sorry for not adding to this in a while. It's been kind of a busy week.

Okay, let's face it. Pretty much everybody hates the Water Temple, even after all these years. The layout makes it hard to remember where you've already been, especially if you made like me this time around and forgot to get the map until late in the dungeon. When you realize you're going to have to lower the water level to get that small key you need and then raise it back all the way to get where you need to go, it's just aggravating.Then, there's the boss, Morpha, another prime example of Hyrule's water pollution woes. I mean, if we're talking nutrient pollution, then all kinds of nasty critters can grow in the water. This guy's pretty much the king of them all. Seriously, people of Hyrule, you need to learn the ways of modern water treatment. Or sue the Zora's for polluting upriver. I bet the EPA would help out in that matter.
I don't know what it was about the fight with Morpha this time around, but it took forever. I think it took me ten minutes to beat him because I just could seem to reel him in with the Longshot and get any more than one sword slash in at a time. Normally this is quick and easy. I even fell in the water a couple of times and got picked up and thrown around by a water arm. I was just off my game.
Also, a bit of a dungeon plot-hole. Where did Ruto go after you run into her? Seriously, there should have been some sort of "Ahh! A creature created by the wanton pollution of water done by my people is grabbing me! Help Link!" or something. She just tells you that she'll lead the way, then she disappears.
In fact, after the way Link literally carries her most of the way through Jabu-Jabu's Belly, it would have been nice to have her tagging along and helping Link in some way. You know, marriage is a partnership and Ruto was pretty hung up about being engaged to Link. She should have shown that she could be a supportive wife. But, no, when Link's off doing the heroics, she probably just ran off to spend his ruppees at the Water Temple's gift shop. Looks like Link dodged a bullet when Ruto became a sage and the whole thing was called off. Aquatic women, hmph. Who needs them?

- Nate

Zelda Retrospective: Part V - Ocarina of Time - Day 3

Questions for Link:
Question: Who changed your clothes and pierced your ear while he slept for seven years? Did Rauru just get really bored? Or does he like to play dress up? Oh jeez, I don't want to think about what else he might have done to you, you poor man.
Question: Just how awful was the seven-year-old half-a-bottle of Lon Lon Milk that you just drank?
Question: Have the fairies not wised up and pushed for some kind of Geneva Convention-esque deal where they write an agreement that it's against inalienable fairy rights to be imprisoned inside a glass container for an indefinite amount of time without a fair and proper trial?
Question: Where do you keep all that stuff? Seriously? Deep pockets? Or other, less pleasant places?

Link's Answer: "..."
I went through the Forest Temple and the Fire Temple today, rather productive. The version of Ocarina of Time on the GameCube disc is the last version that was released. When I played the game on my old N64, I had one of the early cartridges that still had the Muslim chant with the Fire Temple music. That was way cooler than the pretty much non-existant music that's on this version of the game. I was totally humming the chant as I was playing the Fire Temple. Sometimes political correctness can be kind of lame. Oh well.

- Nate

Zelda Retrospective: Part V - Ocarina of Time - Day 2

[NOTE: This blog is totally tongue-in-cheek, don't think I'm actually serious about this.]

I have a hypothesis to put forth.
All the troubles in Hyrule, were not caused by the evils of Ganondorf. The races of Hyrule have not suffered from generation to generation, game to game, due to the lust for power of one man.

The true culprit here is water pollution.

I came to this conclusion as I was exploring the Zora's Domain and talking with the locals, as I habitually do even though it's nothing I haven't heard before.
FACT: A Zora in the game claims that all water in Hyrule flows from the Zora's Fountain, where Lord Jabu-Jabu resides.
Now, let me get this straight - a giant whale-thing lives right on the mouth of the water source for an entire country, where all it does is apparently eat large amounts of food that are given to it by the Zoras? Well, what happens when any creature ingests food? It comes out the other side. So we've got Jabu-Jabu fouling up the water with his excrements right at the start. Then the water flows into Zora's Domain. And what happens in the Zora's Domain, the Zora's have to relieve themselves somewhere. There's more water pollution right there.
So all the water in Hyrule is filled with Jabu-Jabu and Zora crap.
We know that nutrient pollution in water can cause abundances of parasites like hookworms, bacteria and toxic algal blooms. These don't cause deformities in Humans, but we're talking Hyrule here, land of the Hylians, Zoras and Gerudos. Gorons are apparently not effected by these problems, because they apparently don't need water, just rocks. And let's face it, they're weird enough as it is for that fact alone.
Could Jabu-Jabu-Poo have been the reason why Gerudos can only produce one male every 100 years? Perhaps. Is an abundance of toxins making Hylians (and perhaps Zoras) a little less than bright? Quite possibly.
Case in point: Dampe. Look at him and tell me some part of your brain doesn't play "Dueling Banjos." [Yes, I realize the screenshot's from Majora's Mask.]Another example, somebody would have to be a little less than bright than to start a business where people have to swim through a lake to get there and then pay to fish. I mean, forcing your customer to swim just to get to your location is a little absurd as is, but when a customer has to pay to fish when there's a freaking lake right outside, that's just bad business. No wonder you were so surprised to see a customer in there, dude. It might also explain the baldness.

Another example is the poor business decision of the Zora who runs the diving game. I mean, okay, first you make someone pay twenty ruppees to dive what has to be sixty or seventy feet into three meters of water and then dive for twenty-five ruppees which they get to keep and then you give them a prize. So on top of risking lawsuits for endangering your customers, the ones that actually survive their swan dives would have a fairly easy time of making a little extra cash from you and then get a prize from you. Zora dude, I don't see how you can possibly make money this way.
Yet another example are the poor senses of sight and hearing of Hylian guards. I mean, seriously, you can make so much noise around them and they still just don't notice you. You can even blow up a bomb and they just stand there twiddling their thumbs.
There you have it. Water pollution. That is the greatest evil of all the Zelda games. I applaud Nintendo for making such an environmentally conscience game.


Anyway, I collected a few more pieces of heart and beat Jabu-Jabu tonight and nabbed the Master Sword before I quit. I'm sitting at nine hearts and ready to go get the Hookshot tomorrow before tackling the Forest Temple and maybe the Fire Temple as well.

- Nate

Zelda Retrospective: Part V - Ocarina of Time - Day 1

I have arrived, my friends, at the game that started my love of Zelda. In fact, it was the game that probably started the love of many Zelda fans around the world. Many have called it the greatest game of all time, and I can often see why.

Let me be straight with you folks. I have played Ocarina of Time so many times that I have this game memorized. I don't need walkthroughs (unless I'm trying to find all 100 Gold Skulltulas, something I've yet to ever take the time to do) because my brain is its own walkthrough. This is a game that I always come back to. When I got a GameCube and my sister wanted my N64, I refused to give it up until I had ensured that I could play Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask via GameCube discs. I could give up the system, but I couldn't stand the thought of not being able to play the games any time I wanted.
Before I booted up the disc today, I was convinced that I wouldn't have much to say on the game. I can't make all kinds of jokes about my desperation at the game's difficulty, because Ocarina of Time has long since stopped being difficult for me. There's no longer a way for me to accurately gauge the game's difficulty. Also, since I've played the game all the way through before, I was afraid I'd have little to comment on because there was nothing new for me to experience.
So it surprised me that, when I started playing today, it felt as if I was playing with fresh eyes.
I guess having just played through the first Zelda game, trying to get through the second and failing, and then playing through A Link to the Past, I suddenly saw what this game might have seemed like to people who had played through the other Zelda games and then booted up Ocarina of Time for the first time in 1998. In comparison to the 2D originals, this game is simply breathtaking. It completely revamped the gameplay and came with a gorgeous presentation with far more detail and story to it than any Zelda game before.
I found myself realizing just how much more was put into this game than its predecessors. Many of the side characters began to take on personalities of their own, since they had more than just one or two lines of dialog through the whole game. The game takes time to establish exposition and makes you more fully understand why your quest is so important and what the stakes are.
The first time I ran out onto Hyrule Field and realized I had this huge open space to run around in without having screens scrolling over to the next area of the field was glorious. I simply felt that I was more free and unrestricted within the game world.
It really was like seeing with fresh eyes and I did not expect that feeling at all.
In any case, in the three hours I played today, I beat the first two dungeons, gathered about six heart pieces and killed off a fair amount of Gold Skulltulas and got the adult's wallet. Pretty good for three hours, but then, I know what I'm doing.

- Nate

Zelda Retrospective: Part III - Zelda II: The Adventure of Link - Day 3

Folks, I just don't know what to do here. Zelda II: The Adventure of Link is quite simply kicking my ass.
I have made no progress since the restart. I just now got all the way to the bridge after Spectacle Cave. But guess what happened? I received one of many game overs thanks to those red axe-throwing assholes that populate Death Mountain and the bridge that follows it.
This is a game that requires incredible reflex and observation. I simply just can't seem to progress. The fact that every time I game over puts me all the way back to the Northern Palace, where Zelda sleeps, is ridiculous. It means making any actual headway in the game is practically impossible (for me, at least).
As I've said before, this game is merciless.
Unfortunately, I don't have much else to say. I had an amusing series of pictures planned out that would have made up this post rather than the words preceding this sentence. Unfortunately, my camera was stolen some months ago and I can't get my webcam to work. Sorry guys!
I suppose I'll keep at it for a few more days, but I might have to just go ahead and move on to A Link to the Past soon, or else Adventure of Link is going to keep me in some kind of eternal limbo.
I feel like Sisyphus in Hades pushing the boulder up a hill only for it to come tumbling back down, for all eternity.

Ugh.

- Nate

Zelda Retrospective: Part III - Zelda II: The Adventure of Link - Day 2

Okay, so, I haven't been playing much. I've spent much of the time between this and the last Zelda blog. I played a little last night, trying desperately to get through Death Mountain without a guide, only to fail miserably each time. One of the biggest problems I have with this game, and it might just be a result of the port onto GameCube disc, but every time I lose all my lives, I get sent all the way back to the very beginning of the game. This makes making progress incredibly difficult. I felt that perhaps I hadn't levelled-up Link enough and then had a Final Fantasy-inspired idea that I've done a couple times after going to nearly the end of the game and discovering my characters weren't powerful enough (and was at a point where I couldn't dungeon crawl to upgrade).
So today I picked up the controller for a few hours and decided to start a fresh file. I made the quick jaunt to Rauru Town, then went up to Parapa Palace, where I levelled-up Link enough to where I needed 1200 to make it to the next level. This time, I made mince meat of Horsehead on the first try and got the upgrade after placing the crystal. So that left Link with level 4 attack and level 5 health and magic. Much better than the first file.
So, I went to tackle Death Mountain yet again, trying to make my way to Spectacle Rock. I was almost there when I got hit that one last time.
I've been seeing that screen way too often for my tastes. This game is absolutely merciless. If I have to start from the very beginning every time I get a game over, retaining only my level and my items (but none of my gained experience points), I don't know how I'm possibly going to get through this game in a reasonable time frame. If I could play the game non-stop and without a single game over, then maybe I could get through.
I guess I just suck at Zelda II. I'm going to keep at it though.

- Nate

Zelda Retrospective: Part II - Legend of Zelda - Day 2

You know what they say: "Once a cheater, always a cheater."

Well, for me, it held true. After thirty-nine deaths and about eight to ten hours of game play, I beat Ganon today and completed the main quest of Legend of Zelda. And, oh boy, I definitely had to rely on that IGN walk through to get me through it.
I booted up the game (I was playing using the Legend of Zelda: Collector's Edition disc for GameCube) at around 11AM this morning, after finding out that I wasn't going to be recording with the band. I started from the good ol' starting position, collected some rupees to buy a potion, grabbed some recovery hearts from some downed enemies to fill my life gauge back up, and then went back to dungeon six, the bane of my Zelda-playing experience of yesterday. This time, going in fully prepared, I went in and kicked that dungeon's ass in no time flat.
I was doing well in the seventh dungeon too, until accidently pressed X in the start menu. On the Collector's Edition disc, X is equivalent to Select on the old NES controller, so that took me to the continue/save/quit screen. I hit continue, but I didn't realize that selecting it would take me back to the start of the dungeon and removed all but three hearts from my nearly full set of heart containers. Rage ensued.
What kind of design choice is that, seriously? I mean, how many people who have played this game since it came out in 1987 have accidently done that? How many veins have popped from necks from the fury that issues forth from occurences such as this? I sat and pondered this a moment, then resumed my gameplay.
It turns out, dungeon seven was quite the maze and it took me a long time to finally find my way to the boss. But I quickly dispatched him and moved onto eight. I'm guessing I went through eight all right, because I'm already having trouble remembering even playing through it, other than being frustrated with the large number of Blue Darknuts, who are hard to kill, and that was only a couple of hours ago.

I made my way to dungeon nine, the home of the pig-man himself - Ganon. Well, okay, I relied on the walkthrough for this one. When I realized how immense the dungeon was, I decided that, rather than waste hours trying to get through it, I'd make my way toward Ganon that way. I got all the way there with little problem. I saw where it took four blind hits while Ganon was invisible followed by a silver arrow hit. Well, as I hit Ganon the third time, I died.
So, I went out to find rupees for a potion and then ninety more to replace the magic shield I'd lost to a Like-Like. That in itself probably took half an hour. Killing hordes of ghosts in the graveyard helped quite a bit. I made my way back to Ganon, wiped him out and then hit the end. And then I hit the most story-intensive part of the game: a whole two lines of dialogue!

So, what does playing through this game tell me? For one, I can tell you know that, thanks to technological advancements, the series quickly became far more story driven. The lack of dialogue means less opportunities for hints, making the game that much harder. I never owned an NES, and I'd heard from many people that all the good old games were really hard. This game confirmed that notion in my head even moreso than my attempts to play other NES games. I suppose, back then, video games were more of a niche, so the audiences wanted more of a challenge. Now that gaming is more broad, games needed to be eased up for the sake of the layman's sanity. Also, this game allowed for a lot more imagination. It's far less linear than the Zelda games that succeeded it. Granted, you might need a certain item in one dungeon to access something in another, but you could potentially do these out of order because the game doesn't direct you from one to the next. The only hint that you should be playing them in any particular order is that a "Level-#" shows up at the top of your screen when you're in a dungeon.

I'm not brave enough to try to second quest. Plus I would like to continue on to the next game in the series. So, that's game number one down. Six to go. Tomorrow I'll be hitting up Zelda II: The Adventure of Link in Part III of the Zelda Retrospective. This is another one I've never played through, and many call it the worst of the Zelda games. I'll be sure to let you know if I agree.

- Nate

Zelda Retrospective: Part II - Legend of Zelda - Day 1

Okay, so I've been cheating... I've been cheating a lot.

But damn! This game is hard! How did any one ever figure the damn thing out back in 1987? Perhaps I'm too used to my cushy, three-dimensional, story-driven Zelda games where there are hints as to what you're supposed to be doing next? You start the game with nothing in a field with no prologue, no hints, nothing. Luckily, the cave with the old dude who gives you a sword is in plain site. From there, though, it gets hazy. I very quickly decided to rely on IGN's walkthrough of the game since I didn't want to spend hours and hours dying over and over again just trying to figure out where to go. For the sake of this series, I decided to not use the walkthrough while in dungeons unless I get absolutely stuck. Since the walkthrough greatly enhanced the rate at which I played through the game today, I've made it all the way to the sixth dungeon. I have thirteen heart containers, the magical sword, a magical shield, the white tunic and the blue ring. Even with these upgrades, I still find the game quite difficult. To illustrate that fact, I'll point out that I've died a total of thirty times in my play through, sixteen of which have been in the sixth dungeon.
This game is nearly incomprehensible. To play it without any sort of guide would require hours of trial and error. Hours which I'd much rather spend being able to make dinner (teriyaki stir fry tonight, my own recipe) while watching stuff on Hulu (the pilot to Firefly). This game is simply merciless, offering almost no hints other than an occasional old man in a cave. There are lots of old men in caves in Hyrule at this time. And a lot of shopkeepers in caves. Apparently people can't remember how to build houses. And it could be the same old man and the same house keeper and they're just following you around and hiding in different caves throughout Hyrule. That's just creepy. (Yes, I do know that it's an old game and they could only allow so many character designs.)
Back to the sixth dungeon though. That thing is a bane on my gaming existence. I just keep dying. I ought to go get a potion, but that requires 68 rupees. And unlike in other Zelda games, that amount of cash is hard to come by. I would never have gotten the Blue Ring if IGN hadn't pointed out a few secret stashes of rupees. Plus, by the time I got the potion and got back to the dungeon, I'd need to use it. The Wizzrobes are just plain kicking my ass. I got all the way to Gohma once, but I only had one heart left. Plus, whenever I die, I start out with only three hearts and the enemies in the dungeon aren't exactly being liberal with the dispensing of recovery hearts. One time in between two of my sixteen deaths in that dungeon, an enemy dropped a fairy and I thought it was a miracle. I still died later.
To you true Zelda veterans, you who have taken the time to actually play this game honestly without any help, I ask: How the hell did you do it?

- Nate

P.S. - I'll be at the band's drummer's house helping him to lay down the drum tracks for the songs I've written. I might be putting off Day 2 of the original LoZ to Thursday.